Keeping the sparks flying!
How to Keep the Sparks Flying after the Honeymoon Phase!
We’ve all heard the story about the honeymoon phase. Newlyweds can’t keep their hands off each other! Passion runs high for the first few months… and then passion runs dry.
My mum used to say that if a couple put a penny in a jar every time they had sex in the first year of marriage and then took a penny out of the jar every time they had sex from then on… they would never empty it. Depressing, right?
You might think this is just old fashioned nonsense until you notice it start to play out in your relationship. Cue scary music… dun, dun, dunnnnnnn!
Today I’m here to tell you not to panic! It doesn’t automatically mean that there is something wrong with you or your relationship. It is natural for things to calm down a little so that you can make space in your life for other interests besides sex. 😉
It’s also understandable that you miss the early excitement, desperate longing and feeling of being desired. But, once the sparks have died down a little – you can start to build something longer-lasting and more meaningful. And this can bring you both those butterflies all over again!
Many post-honeymoon phase couples complain that life gets in the way of the fun stuff. They get busy, stressed, and don’t have the time for frivolous bonking like they used to.
Truth bomb: Life won’t get less busy any time soon!
As your relationship progresses, even more complications and excuses will arise. If you don’t intentionally prioritise intimacy, your relationship will suffer. Here are some simple ways that you can keep yourselves high on each other’s agendas.
Unplug your phones
Do I need to explain this one? Cell Phones are addictive, and they devour our attention. I challenge you to add an app that calculates how long you spend scrolling on your favourite platforms. It can be pretty uncomfortable to see where your hours are going. Commit to spending time together sans cells!! You will reap the rewards.
Always Ask Questions
You likely spent a big chunk of the honeymoon phase getting to know each other on a deep level. Actively listening to each other and making one another feel important. How about now? Do you feel like you know everything about your partner? Are they kind of predictable? Do you sometimes already know what they’re going to say or do?
No matter how much you think you know your partner – there is always something more to learn. The same goes for you two! You are ever-evolving, eternally complex, absolutely fascinating humans. You don’t fit into boxes.
Why not make your marriage a safe space for you both to learn about yourselves and each other? Resist the urge to assume you already know everything and encourage growth with thought-provoking questions and non-judgemental answers. Stay curious about each other!!
Couples who play together… you know the rest! Imagine if you made your relationship a haven from the hustle and bustle of your busy lives. A space to have fun and play! Sure, there are serious bits of every relationship, but it doesn’t ALL have to be heavy.
Challenge each other to find new ways to play. Then put down your work and do it!! I know that’s hard. I’m a recovering workaholic too. But play has been proven to improve your creativity and problem-solving abilities – use that knowledge to bribe yourself into it!
Play can look any way you like. Board games, sports, hiking, travelling, chasing, pillow fights, exploring new places, role play, dance classes. There is no limit to how you can play together, nor how close this can bring you together.
Sure, it sounds unsexy. But you know what’s even more unsexy? Never having sex. 😉
By scheduling sex, you can give yourself a chance to prepare logistically (kids, housemates), physically (shave your legs, find the lingerie) and mentally (let the anticipation build!).
Why not make sex a whole playground of its own by using it as a voyage of discovery for two! Map your erogenous zones, add toys, try new positions, read erotica. It doesn’t have to be complicated, and it can become one of the highlights of your relationship.
Before you know it, you’ll be ripping each other’s clothes off with urgency once again!
Marriage is a lifelong journey of discovery. Of course, setting sail together is incredibly exciting, but the treasure you can find through the years to follow is where the real riches lie.
Whether you’ve been together for 3 weeks or 30 years, it’s never too late to embark on your adventure together. Start small by asking a question over dinner, without your phone and (groundbreaking tip coming up), really listen to what they say. Who knows where it might take you?